I woke up this morning with a start. Sometimes morning anxiety attacks can come when I am in my last phase of the sleep cycle, causing me to wake up with an irregular heart beat, sweaty palms, and hyperventilated breathing.
Definitely not easy like Sunday morning (even though it's Monday, it is also technically Sunday). In my state of panic, I typically get up and do something. Whether it be clean, run errands, or even paint sometimes. Today I chose to head to the grocery store. It was the perfect time to go because it as before 8 am, meaning I could hop on over in my sweats with my face not even washed. Classy, Allyson (I know). On my drive there and back I got to thinking... Moving to a place or into a neighborhood that you know you will only be in for a short while equips you with a different mentality than that of a planning-to-be-permanent-resident. It can either isolate you from the community: not motivating you to indulge in it's unique charms or offerings; or it can motivate you beyond normal boundaries: this is the case where you get involved in everything. Sometimes, too much. I have found myself in the former. I don't feel connected to the neighborhood I moved into. This could be for a few reasons, but I think a lot of it is that where I am living is comprised of mainly you professionals with families. Basically, where I should be in about ten years-- okay, let's not push it... where I should be in about 15 years. I am most likely a martyr of the their previous college life; one that has so far escaped them except for the occasional night that they gather with other 30 somethings and drink two beers. It is at this time where they exit stage right and return to their young child, pay the baby sitter, and wake up the next morning full of regret. I have to say, I am not looking forward to that lifestyle. I am not ready to embrace it, and seeing it all around me makes me want it less. It's not that these people are not well-educated, hard-working, or fit (they're ALLLLL fit). But, it's a very settled lifestyle, and to be honest it makes me uneasy. I love the city, I love Baltimore, and I love my job. But I think if I were to move here for a more permanent time, I would live in a different part of the city. Most likely one that fit my identity, my needs, and my position in life a lot more readily. The other funny thing is, my boyfriend who has been temporarily relocated to Texas, feels almost the opposite. He is also surrounding by young people with families, and he has said that it makes him want to identify with them more. It makes him excited for the future, instead of petrifying him. It's not as though I don't love it here, I do. But I think I would love it here more if I was 15 years my senior. Also, I think I would love it more if I was around for the start and end of the city's recreational sports leagues. That is definitely something Baltimore has done right. Anyway, I am going to find something else to do to entertain a cloudy and cool July 4th. I can't believe it's July already... And I can't believe it is going to stay in the 7-s all day with a breeze. How unpatriotic. Have a great day everybody.
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Author: Allyson DitizioGeographer, yogi and occasionally creative writer. Archives
September 2016
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